Broken Heart

This week’s post is not directly related to my mood disorder but it’s something that I want to write about because it’s always on my mind and also something that most people can relate to.

I have recently ended an eight year relationship and I’m struggling a lot with my emotions and thoughts. I do not do well with intense feelings. I usually avoid unwanted emotions by distracting and using substances to alter my state.

I am determined to face this challenge in a healthier way. I am going to embrace all the pain and the unwanted thoughts. I am obsessed with learning about how to manage this discomfort. I have been constantly reading and watching videos about how to survive this.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that I can change my perspective from looking at this situation as “bad”, or horrible, devastating, etc. into seeing it as a learning experience, an opportunity for growth, a turning point of my life where I am able to make improvements.

I am trying to feel the pain and go through it instead of suppressing it. I let myself cry. I let myself sit and grieve and practice acceptance.  It feels very unnatural to let go of hope. I’m an extremely romantic person, by that I mean I have an idealized view of reality. I hang on in hopes things will be different far past what is realistic.

I am trying to take responsibility for my part in the dysfunction of the relationship. I want to look at my weaknesses so I can work on them. I give myself credit for how much I have grown because I have grown a lot throughout the relationship.

I feel lucky that my ex partner is a wonderful person and we have no hostility toward one another but in the same respect it makes it that much harder to walk away from him.

I don’t know how long this process of letting go will take. I really don’t know what to expect. I have never felt this way before. I am taking life day by day and focussing on my goals and my children.

So for a while my heart will be broken but I am confident in time I will feel stronger and happier and possibly healthier than I was during the relationship.

4 thoughts on “Broken Heart

  1. That is a very mature way to navigate through your challenges, and probably the healthiest way there is. Numbing the pain with drug and alcohol is the easy way out and certainly not a healthy coping mechanism. Thank you for sharing so openly this tough time you are going through…

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  2. Barb says:

    So glad that you are taking on this challenge by talking about it. I am sorry that you are going through this and hope that things will get easier as time goes on. You have had a difficult journey with your mood disorder for a long time and life is definitely harder for you because of it but you are a beautiful loving person and you are very loved by the people that know you. Like me❤️❤️

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  3. Your wilingness to be so vulnerable and open is a testament to how brave and strong you must be (even when and if you dont feel this yourself). Hopelessness is an awful feeling. But, the only way through it, is indeed THROUGH it. I read a quote a short while ago that said, “Life is hard and at times will knock you to your knees. When that happens, remember to stand back up and take a step forward”.
    Keep stepping forward and you’ll push through stronger than ever ❤️

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